


it’s unusual (why we take it all for granted)

by irleggsy



Series: irleggsy | Shiratorizawa Fanweek 2020 [5]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Getting Back Together, Happy Ending, M/M, Miscommunication, Secret Relationship, Self-Esteem Issues, Sexual Content, Shiratorizawa Fanweek 2020, Tendou Satori Needs a Hug, Ushijima Wakatoshi is Bad at Feelings, just a little bit, mostly angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:00:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25113547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irleggsy/pseuds/irleggsy
Summary: Tendou thinks Ushijima deserves better, so he breaks up with him. Ushijima deserves better than a monster and he won’t be the one who holds him back from better people.Ushijima doesn't resist when Tendou breaks up with him. Why argue? Why force him to stay, if clearly, he doesn’t want to?The team doesn't really know what happened between the two, but they have eyes. They can see that they're miserable.Shiratorizawa Fanweek Day 6:| Getting Back Together | Jacket |Sci-Fi AU
Relationships: Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Series: irleggsy | Shiratorizawa Fanweek 2020 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1811692
Comments: 35
Kudos: 539
Collections: Shiratorizawa Fanweek 2020





	it’s unusual (why we take it all for granted)

**Author's Note:**

> day 6 of [2020 shiratorizawa fanweek](https://stzfanweek.tumblr.com/). WHEW! 7.6k words of useless volleyball gays being useless. two days late, but better late than never. i was unexpectedly occupied during july 4th, so that threw a wrench in my schedule. i've got one more short fic written, so look out for that later today, but really, this is my magnum opus.
> 
> anyways. i made myself sad writing this. 
> 
> content warning: low self-esteem, themes of depression/anxiety/self-hatred

**_“Wakatoshi. Let’s break up.”_ **

**_“...Okay.”_ **

* * *

“Ushijima,” Reon calls.

Ushijima gradually slows, bringing down the pace of his jog. It’s just slow enough that he and Reon can talk without losing their breath every other sentence but just fast enough that they’ll make it back to the dorms in time. “Yes?”

Reon, contemplative as he is, really seems to be lost in thought. Ushijima waits patiently for him to speak up. “I don’t know how to put this delicately.”

Reon chews on his lip. Just as Ushijima is about to tell him off for doing so (doing that while running is an easy way to bite straight through delicate skin around your mouth), Reon speaks up.

“Did you and Tendou get into a fight?”

_ Ah. So I was not as subtle as I hoped to be. _

Ushijima looks directly towards the horizon, where the sun is starting to dance through the clouds, its rays beaming down across Shiratorizawa’s immaculately groomed fields. He and Tendou never discussed it, but there was a silent agreement.

_ If our relationship was a secret, our breakup will be as well. _

Ushijima stumbles a bit before returning to his previous pace. He entered their relationship under the assumption that they would be on equal footing. Neither of them needed one more than the other. 

At some point, he supposes, the scales began to tip without him realizing.

_ Why? Why?  _ **_Why?_ **

_ “Ushijima,”  _ Reon repeats.

He _ still _ doesn’t understand  _ why. _

_ “Talking to someone about your problems will help, Ushiwaka-chan~!” _ a voice calls out in his mind. He tries to ignore who the voice belongs to.

Ushijima glances over to his running partner. If there is one thing he is sure of in the world, it is that Reon Oohira is a trustworthy individual.

Ushijima takes a pause.

“No,” he says, throwing up the impenetrable walls he has always had. “Nothing happened between Tendou and myself.”

“Bullshit,” Reon replies immediately, visibly more upset than before, and that’s when Ushijima knows he’s made a mistake. He’s made a mistake because if Reon—rational, level-headed Reon is calling ‘bullshit’, then it is undeniably bullshit.

Ushijima struggles to come up with a more reasonable explanation. “I have the understanding that a friendship... Over time, there are different degrees of closeness. That is to say, an intimate ebb and flow,” Without thinking, he begins to run faster, more intensely. “Tendou and I are just not as close right now.”

Reon’s lip curls in distaste and he wastes no time catching up to him.

“You have never taken me for a fool. Don't act like you just began to do so,” Reon scolds him.

Ushijima’s shoulders tense up, rising, his back muscles tightening reflexively. 

Reon sighs. “You know, if Tendou said something to piss you off or make you upset, you can always talk to me. I know he can go overboard sometimes, I can tell him off if you need me to. Everyone makes mistakes. Tendou is no exception to that.”

Something loosens in Ushijima’s gut. He feels lighter than he has in days, ever so grateful for the friendship they fostered. What would he do without him by his side? “I—” his voice breaks, startling both of them. He tries again. “I… appreciate your offer,” He clears his throat. “However, and I mean no offense when I say this: I believe this is something I must resolve independently.”

Reon doesn’t appear comforted by his claim but backs down nonetheless. “...Alright. If you say so,” he turns back towards the path. “But don’t hesitate to talk to us either. I’m only a call or text away.”

Ushijima grunts to acknowledge the offer, but he won’t be doing either. He’s strong enough to handle this on his own.

* * *

_ “Wakatoshi. Let’s break up,” Tendou tells him, averting his gaze.  _

_ Ushijima’s heart stops. _

**_‘What?_ ** _ Why? Why, why, why? What happened? You were happy. I was happy. I made you happy, or I thought I did. Was that a lie? Did I do something wrong? What did I do wrong? I am very strong, I am sure of it, but was it not enough? There must be a reason. I can fix it, I will fix it, just  _ **_talk to me, Satori, please—’_ **

_ Ushijima opens his mouth to voice his thoughts, but stops himself. _

_ Why argue? Why force him to stay, if clearly, he doesn’t want to? _

_ “...Okay,” Ushijima tells him. His voice does not waver, but his heart— _

_ His heart is weak. _

_ Tendou flinches slightly, then gives him a nod. He still refuses to look at him. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ Ushijima is unsure of the proper paradigms for a break-up, so he decides to simply leave. It seems as if he needs to re-evaluate some things. _

_ ‘...When did things change, Tendou? When did you stop loving me?’ _

* * *

“Tendou-senpai,” Goshiki starts quietly, still pouring over his English worksheets.

Tendou looks up from the latest edition of Jump. “Hm?”

Goshiki looks up as well and Tendou has to do a double-take because Goshiki is  _ crying. _ “Are you… Did you…” his lip trembles, and he bites down on it and squeezes his eyes shut.

“Take your time,” Tendou assures him, not sure where the conversation might go.

_ “DidUshijimadosomethingtoyoutomakeyouupset?” _ he blurts out, all in one go, and he is _ well  _ and truly as upset as Tendou has ever seen him.

Tendou blinks. He blinks again.

_ ‘It’s that obvious, huh?’  _ He softens his facial expression and leans over to ruffle Goshiki’s hair affectionately. “Tsutomu-chan… you don’t need to worry about those things.”

“But I do!” Goshiki bursts, slamming his hands down on the table in upset.

An upperclassman leans back in their chair and shoots Goshiki a dirty look, making a _ ‘shush’ _ motion. “We are in a  _ library,” _ he hisses.

Goshiki covers his mouth and lets out an ‘eep’ sound, silently mouthing _ ‘gomenasai’. _ He turns back to Tendou “But I do,” he whispers, and while it’s quieter, it’s no less passionate. 

Tendou puts his magazine down, plastering a fake smile to his face, convincing as always. “Nothing happened,” He tilts his head in confusion. “Why do you ask?”

Goshiki’s face scrunches up in irritation, then droops with defeat. “I just…” he looks away, and he looks so pitiable that Tendou is almost tempted to just tell him the truth and string him along for the ride. “I admire the third-years a lot. Obviously. I mean, everyone makes fun of me for it. I know, you know, everyone knows, I  _ really _ do look up to you guys. But,” He takes a deep inhale.

Holds it.

Lets it out.

“That doesn’t mean I’m blind either. I can tell when people make mistakes.”

Tendou gives him a puzzled look.

Goshiki makes a frustrated noise, trying to phrase his words properly. “What I’m  _ trying _ to say is… if Ushijima hurt you, no matter how amazing at volleyball he is, I’ll stay by your side.” Satisfied with his words, he sits up straight. “I’ll defend you.”

Tendou nearly bursts into tears right then and there because Goshiki’s hero worship for Ushijima is  _ monumentally _ large and him picking Tendou over his idol is not a trivial decision. Instead, he gives Goshiki a watery smile, walks over to his side of the table, and crushes him in a hug. The first-year hugs him back without question.

“I would die for you Tsutomu-chan, you know that?” Tendou sighs.

“Me too,” He replies petulantly; as if it were a competition. It’s still genuine.

“...Nothing happened, Goshiki,” he repeats blithely. “Nothing at all. I’m just in a funk, y’know?” He laughs, the sound empty. “Happens to the best of us,”

“...Okay,” Goshiki says, clearly skeptical.

It’s understandable. Tendou wouldn’t believe himself either.

Goshiki sighs, again. “Okay.”

_ “I meant nothing to him.” _ Tendou mutters.

He doesn’t notice when Goshiki stiffens in his hold.

* * *

_ It was something he’d been considering for a while, but today— today had been the tipping point. That girl, his partner for a physics project, had struck a little too close to home when she asked, ‘How does that Ushijima guy put up with you?’ _

_ He opens and closes his mouth like a dead fish. He doesn’t have an answer for that.  _

_ “No offense, but you’re so… scrawny, and you haven’t stopped tweaking out this entire time we’ve been working,” Junpei laughs, not unkindly, but completely unaware that she’s destroyed what little self-esteem he had left. That almost feels worse than if she had malicious intent. “Ah, whatever. Opposites attract and all, right? I’ve got some weird friends too.” _

_ “Ha ha… yeah,” Tendou agrees weakly. _

_ Why  _ **_does_ ** _ Ushijima stick around? She’s right, he doesn't exactly have the ‘ideal male body’, built like he was meant to be broken, spindly limbs and freakishly long hands. His eyes bug out of his head like a rodent’s, and he didn’t ask to have blood-red hair, a spot of color in a sea of black and brown. He doesn’t have a stellar personality either; ‘tweaking out’ is probably one of the kinder ways someone has described his hyperactive traits. If he’s like this around some girl he just met, it must be twice as bad for Ushijima. _

_ By the time Junpei leaves, Tendou’s made up his mind. Their relationship isn’t feasible. They have to break up. He says as much, not even an hour later. _

_ “Wakatoshi. Let’s break up.” _

_ It’s what’s best. It’s alright. You’ll be better off without me. I’m not worth it, you know? There’s probably a beautiful girl, just for you, waiting, watching in the stands. Or even better, a cute guy, one that  _ **_isn’t_ ** _ 6 feet tall with disproportionately skinny limbs and an attention span that lasts less than 20 seconds. There’s a world full of beautiful people out there, but you choose to stay with… me. _

_ Tendou can  _ **_feel_ ** _ the weight of Ushijima’s gaze, but he can’t look at him directly right now. If he does, he might just shatter to pieces. Out of the corner of his eye, he anxiously watches as Ushijima blinks slowly, opens his mouth, then clamps it shut. _

_ “...Okay,” he says, frighteningly poker-faced. _

_ Tendou doesn’t know why he feels so disappointed that Ushijima doesn’t try to put up a fight. It’ll make things easier, he tells himself. ‘This is what you wanted,’ he tells himself. ‘I’m doing this because I love him,’ he tells himself.  _

_ He nods jerkily. _

_ Ushijima leaves. As Tendou tearily watches his retreating form, he stifles a sob. _

_ ‘Did I really mean so little to him?’ _

* * *

“Ushijima-senpai,” Shirabu gasps. “Can we—” he muffles a cough. “—can we take a break?”

Shirabu is panting harshly, barely able to catch a breath.

Ushijima turns to him, an itch under his skin, a fire in his eyes. “Alright,” he states, taciturn as ever.

Shirabu nearly collapses with relief, half-limping, half-sprinting over to the sidelines to grab his water bottle. Ushijima and Shirabu usually meet up for extra practice a couple times a week to practice coordinating their movements. While it’s grueling work, on a typical day, Shirabu can keep up with Ushijima and maintain a decent attitude.

Today is not a typical day. 

Ushijima’s still holding onto the ball, so he decides to make full use of it. Spinning the ball in the hands, he sets the it to himself, running up to spike it— 

_ “Wakatoshi. Let’s break up.” _

—and he strikes the ball with such a ferocity that his body, despite its strength, protests. It spins in a furious blur of blue and yellow, bouncing high enough to hit the wall on the opposite side of the gymnasium.

“Uh,” Ushijima turns to Shirabu, who is ogling him with an awed expression. “That was. Um. Wow,” Shirabu croaks.

Ushijima knows he’s intense when it comes to volleyball, but he’s not so dense to ignore that this is especially true as of late. The way he fervently strikes each ball as if it personally offends him. Ushijima looks down to consider his hand, opening it wide, clenching and unclenching it into a fist, stretching. His palm is bright red, a layer of skin on his callouses starting to peel back from his rough treatment.  _ ‘Perhaps… I went a bit overboard,’  _ he thinks wryly, glancing at Shirabu. 

Shirabu, red in the face, has collapsed against the wall to catch his breath. He startles when Ushijima comes to join him. Ushijima presses his palms against the wall and starts lunging, savoring the ache flaring up in his limbs.

_ “Wakatoshi-kun! Wah, you’re so flexible! You have to let me join you when you’re stretching sometime.” _

_ “Tendou, you should already be stretching independently. You’re going to get injured at this rate.” _

_ “All the more reason to make me your partner! Honestly, I might forget otherwise.” _

_ “Tendou, you don’t need a partner for stretches.” _

_ “Pleeeeeease?” _

_ “...Alright.” _

Ushijima grits his teeth and presses his heels down further. The ache transforms into a burn, but Ushijima ignores it. ‘ _ Tendou’s voice makes its way back into my mind at the most inconvenient of times.’ _

“Ushijima-san,” Shirabu starts, shifting his eyes away.

“Hnh,” Ushijima grunts in reply.

“...Is there a reason why you’ve been upset lately?” Shirabu asks before promptly chugging half of his water bottle.

_‘Awfully bold question.’_ Ushijima pauses. “I am not upset,” he replies, because he’s _not,_ he’s moving on just fine. But there’s a waver in his voice, and he knows Shirabu hears it because he barrels on.

“Are you  _ sure?”  _ he repeats, an eyebrow raised in disbelief.

Ushijima tells him, “No—” but he cuts himself off.  _ ‘I should stop lying to myself. Shirabu, of all people, will know. Look at how you’ve treated him during practice.’ _ His shoulders slump, and he turns his back to the wall, sliding down to sit next to Shirabu in a tired stance. “I…”

Shirabu waits with bated breath.

_ “Wakatoshi. Let’s break up.” _

_ Those words haunt him. They’ve plagued his dreams, his mind, his heart. They’ve taken root in his very being and grown until they’ve sapped him of his strength. _

_ “...Okay.” _

_ ‘I should have said something.  _ **_Why_ ** _ didn’t I say anything? After all this time, I still don’t know why. It’s my own damn fault for not asking, so I shouldn’t be upset in the first place.’ _

“It should not have upset me,” Ushijima finishes lamely.

Shirabu’s eyes are as wide as dinner plates. _ “It?” _ he asks.

_ ‘Us.’ _ They had never put a label on their relationship. Ushijima supposes ‘boyfriends’ would be the most accurate, but he preferred the word  _ partner. _ Either way, it never really mattered to them. They simply  _ were. _ As long as they were together it worked.

...And look where that got him.

“I am unsure of what else I can call it,” Ushijima looks up to the ceiling beams, his voice defeated. “Well, I suppose it should have upset me. These types of things hurt lots of people. But I am typically a man who thinks with his mind and not his heart,” His eyes flutter close, feeling more and more exhausted with each word. “At some point along the way, I suppose I let the two intermingle.”

Shirabu nods, flummoxed. “I see,” he says.

Against his will, a single tear escapes out of the corner of Ushijima’s eye and down his cheek, mixing with perspiration before dripping off of his chin.

Ushijima’s voice shakes ever so slightly as he speaks. “I am… not as unaffected as I believed I was.”

There’s a tense silence.

“... Does it have something to do with Tendou?” Shirabu whispers.

Ushijima’s eyes snap open and he stares at Shirabu.

Shirabu stares back.

“...”

“...”

_ ‘Now is not an appropriate time to be discussing these things.’ _

“Let’s resume practice,” Ushijima barks, voice steely and unforgiving. Volleyball is a better alternative to his angst-ridden thoughts.

Shirabu looks as if his soul exited his body through his mouth.  _ ‘I should ease up a bit,’  _ Ushijima berates himself.

* * *

“Tendou,” Semi whispers into the dark. 

Tendou flinches from where he’s lying next to him, fat tears rolling down his cheeks and a quiet whimper already halfway out of his throat.  _ ‘Shit. Shit, shit, shit! Has he heard me this whole time?’ _

Semi rolls on his side and pulls Tendou into a one-armed hug.

“Semi-semi,” Tendou croaks. “How long have you been awake?”

“Long enough,” Semi says.

Tendou whimpers.  _ ‘I’m pathetic.’ _

Semi holds him tighter. “It’s okay to cry,” he tells him. “Just let it out.”

Tendou breaks.

He buries his face in Semi’s chest, clutching the soft material of Semi’s flannel shirt, tears soaking through the fabric. It’s quiet. Unlike everything else about him, crying comes silent. He wishes there were some other sounds in Semi’s room to distract from his own, so he wouldn’t just have to listen to his own ragged breathing. “Come on. Breathe with me, Tendou,” Semi whispers. 

Tendou only cries harder.

Semi is shaking, and when Tendou looks up to see why, Semi is angry.

Tendou cringes.  _ ‘Ah. He’s probably annoyed at me.’ _ Tendou moves to withdraw his body. “I’m sorry— _ hic— _ S-s-s-Semi— _ hic— _ this sleepover isn’t v-very— _ hic _ —fun, is it?” he babbles.

“No, no, I’m not upset at you. That doesn’t matter,” Semi pulls him back, even closer this time, and gently combs his fingers through Tendou’s hair. 

Tendou melts at the gentle touch. His strange hairstyle is down, strands of red sticking to the tear tracks adorning cheeks. Self-conscious of his now-exposed expression, Tendou buries his face in his hands. 

“It’s okay, Tendou. You’re safe here. I’ve got you. Things are going to be okay,”

Tendou shakes his head. “I-I don’t know, I don’t— _ hic _ —know anymore—” his words break off into an anguished wail. “Why,” he asks. “Why, why,  _ why.” _

Semi growls. “Tendou… just say the word and I’ll beat up Ushijima.” Tendou’s heart stops. “I don’t know what’s been going on, or why he hurt you—”

“That’s the  _ thing,” _ Tendou’s voice breaks. “It’s not his fault. He _ didn’t _ hurt m-m-me _.” _

Semi tries not to let his surprise show. “What?”

Tendou smiles, a small, broken thing. “Wakatoshi deserves b- _better_ than me— _hic._ He deserves something better than a _monster,”_ he whispers. “So I did him a favor and broke up with him.” Tendou’s eyes water up again. “I did the right thing. So I don’t know why I’m so _upset_.”

Semi goes still, slowly parsing that information. Tendou tries to swallow his gasps, tries to hide away his anxiety at how Semi might react. Will he be upset for not telling him about their relationship sooner? Will he tell him he’s being stupid and hurtful? ...Will he be disgusted that he likes men? 

Semi does none of those things. His face falls and his lip begins to tremble, and he looks at Tendou with such care that he feels his heart stutter in his chest. “Satori…” he chokes. “How could you think those things about yourself?”

“What, the truth?” Tendou asks weakly. No matter how long it’s been, he’ll always be a monster.

Semi is full-on crying. “Satori. Satori, Satori, Satori…”

Tendou rolls on his back. “I don’t even know  _ why _ I thought we could work out,” he whispers to the ceiling. “I’d just hold him back, you know? I’m not _ worth  _ anything. I don’t know what I want to  _ do _ with my life,” he sniffles. “One of these days, soon, will be my last game. Then I’m never going to play with Ushijima again,” He wipes his eyes in vain. “What then?”

“Stop that. Stop, you  _ fucking  _ idiot, you can’t just say that,” Semi sobs, indignant. “You’re so much more than that. I don’t know who the hell put those ideas in your head but you’re wrong. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Tendou doesn’t bother arguing. It would just be a waste of energy.

Semi’s tiny dorm mattress creaks with the force of their cries. Gradually, the shaking subsides, the room going quieter and quieter. The only audible sound is their breathing, both hiccuping and stuttering along.

_ “Wakatoshi. Let’s break up.” _

_ “...Okay.” _

_ Was he really ready to break up with me at any time? Was he waiting? Was he eager to get out? Why didn’t he ask why? Why didn’t I explain? Why did I let him slip away so easily? _

“I told him we should b-break up and all he said was  _ ‘okay’,”  _ Tendou recalls. “He didn’t react at all. Did I mean so little?”

“You know… Ushijima isn’t as unaffected as you think,” Semi murmurs.

Tendou doesn’t reply.

* * *

“Yo,” Hayato calls, striding through the door. “Sorry I’m late. Teacher held me captive.” 

“Alright, hurry your ass up and pick someplace to sit!” With the entire team crammed into his tiny dorm room, Semi gives a self-satisfied huff and snaps his fingers to get everyone’s attention. “Order in the court, order in the court!”

All of the boys sit up straight, some perched on his bed, some lounging across the floor, others still leaning against the wall.

“Okay guys, I called this meeting today for obvious fucking reasons,” Semi slams his hand down on his dorm desk dramatically. “We _ gotta _ do something about Ushijima and Tendou. I’m not a conflict resolution expert, but we need a gameplan, and ASAP. Anyone have any ideas?”

Kawanishi slowly raises his hand.

Semi points at him. “Kawanishi.”

“Sometimes… less… is  _ more,” _ he starts.

Semi cocks his head to the side. “Go on.”

“Well, here’s an idea…”

When Kawanishi finishes talking, everyone just stares at him.

“...Okay, I’m just going to say it. That is  _ not  _ conflict resolution. That sounds like a shitty game of truth-or-dare,” Reon says, incredulous.

“Do  _ you _ have any better ideas?” Shirabu complains. “My blisters have blisters. My arms are so exhausted I can barely hold a pencil. I mentioned Tendou in Ushijima’s vicinity and he tried to kill me on sight.”

“Drama queen,” Hayato coughs.

Shirabu shoots him a death glare. “How are your knees?” he spits out.

Hayato makes a pained expression. “That’s different.”

Reon sighs. “I don’t have a better idea. But  _ seriously  _ guys?”

Goshiki also makes an apprehensive face. “I don’t think this is fair to either of them.”

“It’s not fair to us, either,” Yunohana points out.

“...I think it’s a good idea,” Semi says quietly.

The room turns to the last member of their team.

Soekawa looks around. “Seriously? You want  _ me _ to make this decision?”

“Well, the team moms are at odds with each other,” Kawanishi points out, glancing between Reon and Semi. “And you are technically above all of us in terms of authority,”

Soekawa pinches the bridge of his nose.  _ “Fine.  _ As vice-captain, I approve of Kawanishi’s plan, for lack of a better alternative,” He points at the second year, accusatory. “But if it goes wrong, it’s on you.”

Kawanishi shrugs. “Yeah, that’s fair.”

Semi rubs his hands together, eager to put their plan into action. “All in favor?”

Almost everyone raises their hand. In the end, Goshiki and Reon do as well.

“Operation UshiTen is a go!”

* * *

_ Ushijima and Tendou are laying in Tendou’s bed, shoulder to shoulder, reading the weekly Shounen Jump. Tendou’s heart feels like it’s going to beat out of his chest, but slowly, ever so slowly, he snakes his hand down to hold Ushijima’s. When Ushijima goes still, he holds his breath. _

_ “...Satori?” he asks. _

_ “Wakatoshi,” Tendou replies, more subdued than usual. _

_ “...Does this mean what I think it does?” Ushijima rumbles, his voice even deeper than his usual baritone. _

_ “And what do you think it means?” Tendou challenges. _

_ When Ushijima raises Tendou’s hand to brush a chaste kiss across his knuckles, Tendou blushes as bright as his hair. Ushijima presses Tendou’s hand to his cheek if only to see him more flustered. _

_ “Ah,” Tendou replies in a strangled voice. “I suppose it does.” _

_ Ushijima’s gaze dips down when Tendou licks his lips, leaving them shining. His lips are a nice shade pink today, softened with the raspberry-scented chapstick Tendou always insists on carrying around, and most of all, they’re kissable. Ushijima hastily looks back up to Tendou’s eyes. This motion is not lost on Tendou, and Ushijima feels his blood run hot as Tendou’s pupils dilate and his lips part the slightest bit. _

_ They surge forward for a kiss at the same time. _

* * *

Tendou has been standing outside of Ushijima’s door for maybe the last 20 minutes.

In his trembling hands is a drawstring bag holding the last remnant of their relationship.

Ushijima’s team jacket. The one he lent to Tendou when they started dating.

It’s an older one, his first-year jacket. Tendou has the same one, sure, but it’s smaller, not the  _ same. _ He may be tall but he’s thin, and the only sizes that fit him properly are petite. With Ushijima’s jacket, he loved— _ loves _ —the way it swathed him, the well-loved fabric enveloping him like a warm hug.

It’s been almost two weeks and he still wears it to sleep.

It’s stopped smelling like him.

_ ‘I’ve gotta let go.’ _

“...Satori?”

Tendou flinches back. He can feel Ushijima’s eyes on his back, but he refuses to look at him.  _ Satori. _

He turns around, eyes still trained on the floor, and pushes the bag towards him. 

Startled, Ushijima accepts it. He inhales sharply, recognizing its contents.

Tendou clears his throat. “I… yeah,” his voice threatens to crack. “See ya around, Miracle Boy,” He straightens up and starts to march away.

“S— _ Tendou,” _ Ushijima calls out.

Tendou stops in his tracks. Slowly cranes his neck around.

There are tears running down Ushijima’s face.

“...I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I am so sorry,”

Tendou’s heart breaks, and he has to physically stop himself from going back just to wipe away his tears. “What are you sorry for?” He shakes his head. “I’m sorry you ever had to put up with me.”

Ushijima’s face goes carefully blank, even more so than his already distant persona. Slowly, his face scrunches up, in confusion, yes, but moreso in upset. His grip on the bag tightens.

Tendou takes a step back and Ushijima takes several steps forward, and he’s even closer than before. Ushijima clenches his fists at his sides. “I never ‘put up’ with you,” He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “I… why would you  _ say _ that? I was  _ happy  _ being with you.”

“No,” Tendou shakes his head, panicked. “No.”

Ushijima’s confusion transforms into anger. “Tendou, what do you mean  _ ‘no’?” _

“I mean no that you wouldn’t—you weren’t really happy with me,” Tendou forces out. “It’s better this way,” he says, finally voicing his thoughts, the mantra he’s been repeating to himself day and night.

Ushijima’s anger is not assuaged by this sentiment like Tendou is. “What do you mean, it’s _better this way?”_ he growls. “Did you never care for me? Was I the only one in this relationship who cared? Who was—who was in love?” His voice tapers off at the end, fragile, more exposed than Tendou’s ever seen. “After all this time, I still don’t know why. Why did you want us to break up? What did I do wrong?” Ushijima swallows. “Was there someone else?”

Tendou is on the verge of tears. “Wa—Ushijima, I cared about you! I always cared about you, I still care about you, I care about you so much it  _ hurts _ ,” he raises his arm to wipe away his tears with his sleeve, unable to stop them from flowing. “Every time I see you, it feels like my heart is going to beat out of my chest. I loved you, I’m still in love with you, you’re the only one I’ve ever wanted.”

Ushijima makes a noise, but it’s less angry and more puzzled, more heartbroken. “Then why would you walk away?” he asks, and his voice cracks on the  _ away. _

  
Tendou looks at the ground, heart impossibly heavy, kicking his foot back and forth against the tile. “You deserve better,” He turns to the side bitterly. “I mean, just look at me,” He laughs, and Ushijima does not laugh with him. “You deserve better than a monster, Ushijima. I won’t be the one who holds you back from better people,” Tendou tells him softly.

Ushijima grabs his arm with an iron grip and pulls him along. Tendou yelps, not out of pain, but surprise. “We are not having this conversation out here,” Ushijima mutters. 

“What conversation is there to have?” Tendou asks wryly. He shuts his mouth when Ushijima gives him an intense look, eyes as black as coal. As Ushijima unlocks his door and drags him into his room, Tendou goes pliant, deciding to accept his fate.

What he was not expecting was for Ushijima to  _ manhandle him. _ Tendou blinks as Ushijima picks him up and tosses him onto the bed, but it’s surprisingly gentle. He props himself up onto his elbows and takes a moment to back away. “Waka—Ushijima?” Tendou whispers.

“You have been saying my given name for a long time now,” Ushijima crawls onto his bed, looming above Tendou, loosening his tie. It’s a move that makes Tendou’s mouth go dry, and he doesn’t hide his surprised gasp in time when Ushijima envelops him in a firm hug. “Do not stop doing so today,” Ushijima whispers into his ear.

Tendou brings shaky arms up to hug him back, confused. “I thought you were happier without me,” he objects weakly. “You didn’t protest when I told you we should break up.”

“To tell you the truth, I just didn’t know how to respond. I thought I made a mistake somehow.” He swallows, hard. “I never felt as human as I did with you. You were the one who understood. You were the only one who knew,” Ushijima shakes his head. “I thought, somehow, that you forgot.”

Tendou exhales shakily. So many emotions ran through his mind he didn’t know which one he should feel. Regret? Relief? Trepidation? Elation? Heartbreak? “Really?”

“I—” Ushijima gives a choked laugh, a sound that Tendou  _ never _ wants to hear again. “Satori, I was crying myself to sleep.” He runs a hand through his hair, distressed. “I kept myself awake at night wondering where I went wrong, when you stopped loving me, why I wasn’t _ enough.” _

“What?!” Tendou’s voice breaks, crushed with guilt. He’s seen Ushijima cry maybe three times during the time he’s known him, which includes this moment, right now. Ushijima crying himself to sleep was unthinkable.

Even more unthinkable is when he tells Tendou, _ “I love you.” _

“...Wakatoshi, how can you still... you’re not… why aren’t you angry?” Tendou asks weakly.  _ ‘Why won’t you yell at me? Just get it over with! Scream at me, throw things at me, hit me!’ _

“Oh, I am very angry,” Ushijima says in a low voice, and Tendou can’t help the way he flinches back in anticipation. The motion is not lost on Ushijima, who hugs him even tighter. “No, not at you, I won’t hurt you, I could never,” he pleads. “I’m angry, but… but not at you. I wish you had told me the truth sooner, but I could never be truly angry at you, Satori.”

Tears stream down Tendou’s face. He can’t help it. He writhes, trying to jerk out of Ushijima’s grip. “Well, why  _ aren’t _ you? I deserve it!”

Ushijima shakes his head. “No, Satori, you— you were hurt, you were confused, that’s not the same as deserving it. I’m angry at the people who made you feel this way, as if you deserve to be alone, to be treated as a thing instead of a person,” Ushijima buries his face into Tendou’s neck. “You’re not a monster. You have  _ never,  _ never been a monster, and you absolutely deserve to be loved,” he pulls back slightly, just enough for Tendou to see the most tender look on his face. “You can let me love you.”

Tendou tries even harder to wiggle his way out of Ushijima’s grip. Louder than ever, he can hear,  _ ‘It’s for his own good, it’s for his own good, he doesn’t deserve this, it’s for his own good. He needs to understand.’  _ Tendou whimpers. “Stop it. Stop that.”  _ You’re so much more than what I have to offer you, you could do so much better, you shouldn’t have to burden yourself with my stupid rambling and my stupid trauma and my stupid body— _

Ushijima kisses him.

Tendou squeaks in surprise. Kissing Ushijima feels like coming home, and against his better judgement, he kisses back. He opens his mouth wider and suddenly Ushijima is pushing his tongue inside and pressing a well-defined thigh against his crotch, to which Tendou lets out an embarrassingly high-pitched noise. 

Ushijima pulls back with a wet sound. “You and I both know I’ve never been great with words,” Tendou’s heart threatens to beat out of his chest when Ushijima strips off the jacket of his uniform with his tie, throwing both articles of clothing behind him without care. “I can show you how much I love you a different way.” His hands are tugging at the hem of Tendou’s shirt, albeit slowly. Asking for permission.

Tendou blinks, aroused and so _ utterly _ fucked by how in love he is. He tries to protest one last time, squawking indignantly, tugging his shirt back down self-consciously. “Ushijima, c’mon, try to think this through,” He warily makes an  _ X _ sign over his chest with his forearms. “You don’t really know for sure if you want this, I mean look at me,  _ really, I mean look at me, _ look at my body, look at my _ face—” _

Ushijima moves his arms out of the way and mouths at one of his nipples through his shirt and oh,  _ yep, _ they’re going there. Tendou lets out an uncontrolled moan and cool, cool, Ushijima is  _ definitely _ palming at his hard-on right now. _ ‘Alright, okay, this is happening,’ _ Tendou thinks, dazed, and all he can do is buck his hips up into the friction. Then Ushijima pounces on his neck, his weak spots still fresh in the back of his mind despite their two weeks apart. “Oh!” Tendou’s body reacts instinctively, his arms and legs wrapping around the other boy’s body, subconsciously drawing him closer.  _ “Ushijima!” _

“I thought I told you to call me by my name,” Ushijima growls into his ear, Tendou’s hands uselessly scratching at his still-clothed back. 

Tendou nods, caught in the heat of the moment. 

Ushijima’s voice goes softer, a sliver of his usual self peeking through. “Satori, I’ve never been more certain of anything in my life.”

There’s a pause where Tendou waits, anxious to see what will happen next. He wants to know what’s taking so long when he realizes his eyes are closed. Letting one of them flit open, he jerks back from the sight of Ushijima looking so,  _ so  _ lovingly into his eyes.  _ ‘Goddammit.’ _ A hand is on the hem of his shirt again, this time patiently waiting for Tendou’s response.

“...Wakatoshi, I’ll be honest. I can’t promise to stop thinking those things anymore,” he whispers. “I don’t know if I’ll  _ ever _ stop thinking those things. But I can try,” he looks to the side. “If that’s enough for you, I can try.”

“You’re always enough, Satori,” Ushijima whispers. “What else can we do but try?” He nuzzles at Tendou’s neck affectionately. “I love you. I love you so much. I never said it enough before, so I’ll start now. I’m so in love with you Satori, and I want you for the rest of my life.”

Tendou turns back to him, flustered. “Aren’t we in the middle of something here?”

Ushijima smiles, and Tendou feels like he’s about to swoon like some 1950s damsel. That smile is dangerous. 

“...I love you too,” Tendou confesses as if it weren’t already obvious. “I don’t know if I’ll ever want anyone else either.”

Ushijima sighs, content. “Great. I’m glad we’re in agreement.” He grabs Tendou’s hand and presses a chaste kiss to his knuckles, not unlike how they got together, and Tendou’s heart flutters at the sight. Ushijima looks up, his eyes trained on Tendou and twinkling with mirth, but he’s  _ serious _ when he tells him, “Let’s get married.”

“Wah—!” Tendou wrenches his wrist away and buries his face in his hands, his cheeks suddenly  _ very hot _ . “It’s a little too soon to propose, doncha think? I never thought you’d be so forward, Waka-chan!”

Ushijima chuckles before he gets to work, maneuvering Tendou out of his jacket and undoing his tie. “What can I say? I’m a man who knows what he wants.”

“Still, it seems kind of impuls— _ oh,” _ Tendou’s sentence dissolves into a broken moan.

Ushijima twists his hand around him again, insistent. “I thought you said we were ‘in the middle of something here’.”

“What a tease!” Tendou squeaks, smacking his back, but he smiles all the same.

* * *

When Ushijima shows up to practice the following morning with a little pep in his step—early, like he always does—the entire team is already there.

Cautiously, adjusts the strap of his duffle bag. “Is something occurring that I am unaware of?”

Semi snorts. “You could put it that way,”

_ ‘How cryptic.’ _ “...Alright?” He frowns. “Well then, what is it?”

Slowly, the team starts to circle him. He and Tendou are the tallest members of the team, but he still feels as if he is being swallowed up when they surround him.

Before he can even react they grab him and  _ sprint. _ He stays fairly still so that they don’t accidentally drop him and trample him if nothing else. “Excuse me?” he tries to protest.

Then they throw him into one of the equipment closets and lock the door.

Ushijima is… confused, but he doesn’t resist. The door is not easily unlocked or opened. Tendou (and his shoulder) proved this during a disastrous dare their second year, and he does not want a repeat of that experience.

He  _ does  _ want an explanation though. “Reon?” he calls out. “Why am I being locked in a closet?”

“Sorry, Ushijima. It's for your own good, I swear,” Reon replies, unwavering as always.

Ushijima exhales through his nose.  _ That didn’t answer anything.  _ “Goshiki?”

There’s a shuffling noise, and Ushijima can tell that Goshiki is pressed up against the crack between the doors. “Tendou deserves better,” his voice wavers but keeps steady. “I hope you know that.”

Ushijima stiffens.  _ ‘Did Tendou tell the team?’  _ He has no issues being forthright with his sexuality, but he didn’t think Tendou would be ready any time soon.

He pulls out his phone to call Tendou, maybe to warn him, but then realizes it’s fruitless. Tendou always has his phone on silent, and he’s too tired to check his phone before practice.

Anxiously, he settles down and waits. ‘ _ Might as well get comfortable. Looks like I’ll be here for a while.’ _

* * *

When Tendou walks into the gym, it’s… suspiciously empty and devoid of activity. He glances up at the clock, which confirms, _ yes, you are late to practice. _

“...Hello? Anyone there?”

Semi jogs out from behind the bleachers,  _ smiling, _ which is already suspicious enough. “Tendou! Over here!” Semi is always pissy first thing in the morning, his instant coffee only kicking in halfway through practice.

Tendou raises an eyebrow, striding over to Semi’s side of the gym. “There a party I wasn’t invited to?” he jokes, but he feels a bit hurt _. ‘Shit. What if there actually was a party I wasn’t invited to, and Semi is just there as a consolation?’ _

Semi’s face drops a bit. “I— um,” he stammers. “No?”

Tendou droops a bit. “Oh, cool,” he laughs weakly.  _ ‘There so totally was something I wasn’t invited to.’ _

Suddenly the entire team swarms him, and he’s picked up like he’s lighter than a feather and being tossed around like a beach volleyball. “Gah! What the fuck?!” He flails, trying to get down to _ earth, _ no no  _ no, _ he’s too tall for this, thank you.

“I think Ushijima has something to say to you,” Shirabu says aggressively.

_ “What?” _ he shrieks. “What does that  _ mean?” _

Suddenly he’s being dumped in the equipment closet he was locked in his second year. He runs back to the door, but he can already hear the tell-tale  _ click _ of the lock.

“Uh… guys?” Tendou laughs nervously, banging a fist on the door. “What’s going on?”

“Conflict resolution!” Soekawa yells into the crack of the doors.

“What he means is that we’re locking you in there until you figure your shit out!” Hayato points out helpfully.

“I still don’t know what you’re talking about!” Tendou wails.

“Whatever you and Ushijima are arguing about,” Reon tells them firmly. “Washijou’s taking the day off, his wife’s sick and he’s taking care of her. We’ll let you guys out at the end of practice, so use the time for something productive,”

“Just… be honest, Tendou,” Semi’s voice comes through, softer. 

They walk away.

Tendou turns back to the dark closet, apprehensive, and his eyes still not adjusted.

“Hello, Satori,” Ushijima says.

Tendou shrieks before realizing it’s just Ushijima. “Ushiwaka?” Suddenly, the situation begins to dawn on him, and he’s struck with understanding. “Oh my God. Their idea of conflict resolution is to  _ lock us in a closet together?” _ He looks out through the sliver in the door. “We’ve literally been put back into the closet. The universe is laughing at us.”

Ushijima sighs. “Is it too late to inform them we have already figured out our quote-unquote ‘shit’?” 

Tendou giggles, but he’s anxious. Ushijima, who has a sixth Tendou sense, perks up at the sound. 

“Satori, is there something wrong?”

“Uh, I just—I just don’t like the dark,” Tendou admits, embarrassed. “It’s light enough in my room but when there are no windows—It’s kind of stupid.”

“It’s not stupid,” Ushijima tells him.  _ ‘That explains the second-year incident,’  _ he thinks. “It is part of our biological makeup. Would you like to come join me? I hope I am a comforting presence.”

Tendou wastes no time stumbling over to where he  _ thinks _ Ushijima is. Then he trips and falls on top of him. “Sorry!” he squeaks, trying to pick himself up.

Suddenly, there are a pair of sturdy arms wrapped around his torso, and he’s being pulled into Ushijima’s lap, straddling his thighs.

Tendou stops dead, then melts against him. “Wakatoshi?”

“They told us to do something productive,” he rumbles. “I know you are tired, Satori. This isn’t the most comfortable place in the world, but you can take a nap. I will keep you safe.”

“You really are my knight in shining armor, huh,” Tendou whispers, snuggling up to him, tucking his face into the crook of his neck. He can’t quite get comfortable though—the closet isn’t the warmest place in the world and he can’t help but give a full-body shiver.

“Are you cold?” Ushijima asks.

“Not really!” Tendou lies.

_ “Satori,”  _ Ushijima stresses.

“Okay, okay, I was kind of in a hurry so I forgot to bring a sweater,” he admits.

Ushijima smiles and pulls out his first-year jacket from his duffle bag. The one that Tendou tried to give back yesterday.   
  
He gasps. “Waka-chan~! I gave that back!”

“It’s _ yours, _ Satori,” Gently, he coaxes him into tugging the sleeves on, reveling in the sight of the garment draped over Tendou’s shoulders, once again, where it  _ belongs. _

“Sweater paws!” Tendou giggles, and lightly smacks Ushijima in the face with one of the sleeves.

“Yes,” Ushijima says, unfazed. “Sweater paws.”

Tendou returns to his previous position and they lay back down. Tendou hums warmly into Ushijima’s neck when Ushijima starts to rub soothing circles into his back. Ushijima smiles. It doesn’t take long for both of them to fall asleep. Maybe the closet isn’t the most comfortable place in the world, but in each other's arms, they’re right where they belong.

* * *

When Semi sneaks away from the team to unlock the door an hour later, suspicious of the absence of sound and the lack of any “conflict resolution,” he’s treated to the sight of Tendou and Ushijima napping on the floor, Tendou laying on top of Ushijima, his hands fisted in his shirt, and Ushijima’s arms wrapped around Tendou’s back.

Semi lets out a little  _ aww. _ The relief he feels at seeing them make-up is indescribable.

Semi jumps a foot in the air when Kawanishi snorts, seemingly materializing out of nowhere. “That… does  _ not  _ seem comfortable,” Kawanishi whispers, trying to hold in a laugh.

Semi cuffs him across the head. “Don’t you  _ dare  _ say a word about them to  _ anyone.” _

Kawanishi shrugs. “Oh, I knew the whole time.”

Semi chokes.  _ “What?” _

“Yeah, I wanted to borrow some manga from Tendou and then kinda overheard some ‘suspicious noises’, if you know what I mean,” He smirks when Semi flushes. “Wasn’t hard to put two and two together when Tendou was saying Ushijima’s name like a prayer.”

“You  _ motherfucker,” _ Semi tries to cuff him across the head  _ again, _ but Kawanishi catches his arm and adjusts it so it just lays across his shoulder, and snakes an arm around Semi’s waist.

Kawanishi leers at him. “You’re too predictable Semi-semi,” Before Semi can try to assault him again, Kawanishi jerks his head towards the sleeping couple. “Should we wake them?”   
  
Semi’s anger is temporarily forgotten as he looks them over with a fond smile. “...Nah. They look peaceful.”

Tendou makes a purring noise and snuggles closer. Even in his sleep, Ushijima holds him tighter, instinctively curling around Tendou.

Semi quietly closes the door, leaving it the slightest bit open so that they can leave. Tendou is in love, sure, but it is Ushijima who is  _ hopelessly  _ in love. Semi doesn’t know how he didn’t see it sooner, but there’s no one he would trust more with Tendou’s heart.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> and i'm out with a bang! apologies if the ending felt rushed; otherwise, i hope you guys enjoyed this fic & that it made you feel things.
> 
> i'm really proud of myself for making it through this week, and i think i produced some pretty decent stuff! (*•̀ᴗ•́*)و ̑̑ thank you so much to mods leah, lara, and & kaashi for putting stzweek together, and much love to my kickass beta-reader lilleeboi ([ao3](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilleeboi/) and [tumblr](https://lilleeboi.tumblr.com/)) who is a fantastic writer in their own right for encouraging me & helping me this whole time!
> 
> [tumblr](https://irleggsywrites.tumblr.com/)|[instagram](https://www.instagram.com/oborokoto/)|irleggsywrites@gmail.com


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